Many years ago, a young woman came into my life with an energy and brilliance that immediately captivated me. I knew from her smile that I wanted to know more about her. Her exuberance could light up a room, and her giggle was an open invitation; as if to say “Come, join me. Isn’t this fun?” Her wispy black hair and deep dark eyes (which sparkled as if they held the sun), complimented her tall, strong, profoundly feminine body. Her voice held a soft, courageous vulnerability that wrapped itself around the soul; seeing, feeling and loving whomever it touched.
The two of us were in a coach training program together; each looking for a new line of work. She had burned out as an RN specializing in hospice care, and I had damaged my knees from years of baseball, softball and construction work. We could not have known the great gift of friendship that would come from being in the class(es) together.
Carly and I lived a few hours apart, but we talked several times a week; encouraging one another, sharing “the good, the bad and the ugly” and finding the joy in our friendship. When we reached points of disconnect, we took the time to listen and share our feelings fully; remaining open to the core friendship and our desire to grow with one another. Although we made it a point to see each other as often as we could, most of our time was spent on the phone, in video calls, texting and leaning into our intuition about each other.
Carly’s innate ability to sense into what I was feeling physically, emotionally or spiritually was uncanny. And, her willingness to share her intuitive “hits” about how to find relief was a gift each and every time. I too, experienced the ability to know when and how to support her; without needing her to explain.
For me (and I suspect all who came in contact with her), Carly was the personification of love. She gave without expectation, loved without tethering and nurtured every person she came in contact with.
Over the years, we saw each other through relationships ending, pets entering and leaving our lives, health issues, moves and her ever expanding relationship with her incredible partner (fiancé) David.
As I came to know David, I was deeply moved by his love for Carly. Their relationship became a symbol to me of what it is to set goals together, to stand beside one another in the best and the worst times, to share themselves wholly with friends and family and above all, to love unconditionally.
Ultimately, Carly became an invaluable part of the Walk for Peace. As my confidant, cheerleader and press person, Carly’s love and honoring of my life’s purpose was unwavering; and for that, I will be forever grateful.
I have written this piece over and over in the past few months; each time feeling as if I needed or wanted to say more about my sweet friend and knowing that I may forever feel this way.
In early January of this year, I received a call fairly early in the morning. It came from Carly’s number. I called back right away, because it was unusual for her to reach out so early. David answered Carly’s phone and shared with me that Carly had died a few hours earlier. Her death was both sudden and completely unexpected. When he told me, I found myself asking him to tell me again – I couldn’t fathom what he was saying. And when we hung up, I sobbed. Huge, gut wrenching, heart aching sobs. Some days, I cry softly as I continue to feel the loss of my friend. Others, I replay the videos I have of her so I can hear her laugh. And still others, I take a moment to speak a gratitude for the time we shared together. David and I keep in touch – and I imagine we always will. Carly often mentioned how much it meant to her that David and I loved each other. Every once in a while, I find myself wanting to call her. The gift is, our energies are still connected. When I get quiet and ask, I can feel her with me, as if we were in the same room. Honestly, it is remarkable.
I had the chance to meet Carly’s brother, sister, Mom and Dad a couple of months ago at David and Carly’s place in Oregon. We shared a meal out, and then went back to the apartment and lived some time in the energy that still envelopes all of us. The energy of Carly’s love.
My whole world opened a bit more when I met my Carly girl. Thanks in great part to our friendship, I have found myself continuing to allow love, vulnerability and grace into my life. I strive to learn more ways of communicating. I have come to further trust my intuition and to honor my knowing. I have given and received unashamedly. I have received the gift of David’s friendship.
And, I have fallen in love with love.
