As we progress through life, we all experience grief at one time or another. As unique as each of us is, so too, is the way we grieve. Grief has many faces; loss through death, employment, a diagnosis, divorce, natural disaster, etc. Although grief remains with us, over time, our capacity to be with our grief grows.
We experience grief because of our ability to care. To love. When we lose something we care about or someone we love, we grieve.
I, like most people have experienced several losses in my life. I used to think that I had moved through the grief of those losses, but the times we are currently in have had me feel grief I hadn’t connected to in years.
The first time I saw Dr. Fauci speaking about the Corona virus, I felt a lump rise in my throat. I remembered his face from the AIDS epidemic oh so many years ago. During the epidemic, Dr. Fauci was one of the people (activists) involved in changing the way clinical trials were done, leading to huge numbers of lives being saved. He was talking about COVID-19, and I was remembering not only the people who died and the underlying fear of HIV/AIDS, but also connecting to the loss of feeling safe.
There was a time when that memory would have brought tears to my eyes and sadness to my heart that might well last a few hours to a few days. But, my capacity to be with the losses of that time has increased. Now, I am able to slow my breathing a bit and just be with the lump in my throat.
So, what is this all about?
It’s about recognizing not only our personal/individual grief, but also the collective grief we are experiencing with our fellow human beings. For example:
- A global pandemic with more than 200,000 dead in this country alone
- Unemployment, businesses closing at staggering rates
- White supremacist culture and the continuing violation of the rights of others
- The political unrest in this country and the coming election
- Wildfires burning out of control and air quality being compromised
Unfortunately, this is not anywhere near a complete list. However, each of these things causes a layer of grief to rest itself upon our hearts and minds, compounding what we might already have been feeling.
As we try and keep up with the changes that we are facing, we also attempt to keep up with our emotions. However, right now, we often don’t have time to grieve one loss before another is piled on top of it. It can become overwhelming.
When people tell me they’re tired or they feel confused or just feel out of it and don’t know why, I try and remind them (and myself) that there is a reason for the feelings.
What I know for myself is that it is paramount to recognize my grief (no matter how insignificant it might seem), respect the process I am in around the loss, and remember to reconnect to myself as often as necessary as I grieve. I remind myself that there is no timeframe in which to be finished grieving. I hold myself gently, and I hold others in the same way as they navigate their grief.
In the coming days, when you are asked how you are, take a moment. Ask yourself how you really are. And, if you find you are grieving or have something you have yet grieve, please do.