Day 93

Today was filled with ups and downs around the medical system and attempts to get some answers about what is happening with my knee.  Over the last couple of weeks, I have been working on trying to get referrals, medical records, etc., without much success. My medical coverage is in Washington, but I can’t get an appointment for six weeks. The surgeon who did the knee replacement has moved to Nevada – and is traveling weekly between two offices that are a few hundred miles apart (the closest one to me is 230 miles). I can’t be seen here because I’m from out of state and “they” don’t take my insurance. And, the tests I would need to have just to determine what’s going on with the joint are prohibitively expensive. After several phone calls that circled me back to not being able to get help, I have to admit I didn’t feel very Peaceful. I felt cranky, irritated and a little sorry for myself. Part of feeling sorry for myself is because for the past several days, I’ve been relatively pain free. Unfortunately, last night, I had a fair amount of discomfort, and today, my knee was “clunking” and feeling less stable again.

Fortunately, I have learned tools to keep myself in the game for the long haul, by taking care of myself in the short run. The first is to step away from the thing that is causing the dis-ease. The second is shift the focus. The third is allow myself to pout, and have a time limit on it. The way I used the tools today was, deciding not to make more medical related phone calls this afternoon, saying yes when Kelli asked if I’d like to go to the local nursery to look at plants, and giving myself two hours to be in a “bad” mood.

I am fully aware that there are other folks dealing with their own version of “the healthcare system saga”, and I truly hope for each of them what I hope for myself – to receive the necessary care in a timely fashion.

While we were at the nursery today, I found a small display with rocks that had words and designs etched into them, and the picture at the top of the page is of one of the rocks. I was glad to happen upon it, because it is a reminder to me to show up with a Peaceful, open heart. It is also a reminder to me that if I am not feeling that way, the very best thing I can do is to apply the tools I know can bring me back. In this way, I can accomplish what I need to, without making myself or anyone else wrong.