If you want peace, you don’t talk to your friends. You talk to your enemies.
Desmond Tutu
When I first read this quote, it made me cry. For a moment, I was lost in how simple yet profound it is. Then, I thought about what makes someone an enemy. And finally, I felt grateful that I don’t think of anyone as an enemy any more.
The reason I say any more, is because when I was young, if someone hurt my feelings or if I was mad at someone, I was quick to decide that that person was no longer a friend. My pattern would have been to distance myself from the person, not leaving room for the possibility of talking things out and, perhaps, finding Peace with them.
However, as I have grown and learned that things are often not as they seem, I find myself wanting to reach out to see if we can work together to find a solution to what it is that is pulling us apart. It isn’t always easy to engage someone I’m feeling animosity toward, but for this Peace Walker, inviting discussion is the opening of my heart to my “enemy”.
One of the things that helps me to continue to reach out is to think about how the other person might be feeling. Another is the awareness that cutting people off, also cuts me off from myself. Still another reason to reach out is to remember what drew us to each other in the first place.
When I reach out to my “enemy”, I need to do so without expectation. Sometimes, this means that the process is delayed. You see, I find that if I am truly open hearted, I have to come into a conversation with no preconceived idea of how it will go. This way, I am truly present to the person in front of me, rather than to the past or the future. And in the present, everything is possible.
My intention for today was open heart, outstretched arms. This is most certainly the way I greet my friends, and when I am present in this way, there is room for an adversary to become a friend.
Who needs your open heart and outstretched arms? Are you willing to let go of the outcome and engage them here, now? What action will you take to invite Peaceful dialogue in?