Peace of Mind… (blog)

I was several days into the Walk for Peace when I saw this message in the sidewalk late one afternoon. The day had been exceptionally long, and I was walking in a neighborhood just before dusk, not yet sure where I was staying for the night, and a bit off the path I’d set out for the day.

As I walked, I had to maneuver uneven driveways, trash and recycling containers carefully placed for their weekly pick up, and the occasional car parked part way in the driveway and covering the sidewalk as well. Because of the obstacles in my path, I was looking down much more than is my usual habit.

And then, I saw it…

WALK IN PEACE

Right there, in front of me.

I smiled. My shoulders relaxed. I felt grateful for the serendipity.

Lately, I have meditated regularly on Peace. I ask for discernment on how to be at Peace in each moment of the day. And, I ask for a compassionate heart. For when compassion is my lead, I not only Walk for Peace, I Walk In Peace.

Once every ten days or so, a friend of mine and I have what I call a “physically distanced” visit over a cup of coffee – enjoying conversation and longing for a hug at the end of our time together. On our last visit, this little frog was in a window box outside the kitchen.

For as long as I can remember, I have been fond of frogs. At my maternal grandparents’ house, hearing a frog was both fun and exciting. It meant that the next few minutes would be spent looking into the center of the different plants on the porch until ultimately, the tiny face of the frog I’d heard earlier peered up at me as I giggled with delight. As a kid, I held the frogs, delicately closing my small fingers around it; a fine balance between holding too tight and having the frog jump out of my hands for holding it too loosely.

The fine balance between two seemingly opposing energies is present in much of my experience these days. When I feel stretched between the two, I feel the tension and excitement in my body, the pressure and release in my heart and the push-pull of my thoughts.

Lately, I’ve found myself needing to consciously focus on coming from compassion. For myself and for others. If I can remember to accept myself exactly as I am each day, I have a better chance of being compassionate towards others.

And, I believe that in compassion lies the ability to hold on…just tight enough.

Over the past several nights Autumn has come knocking, only to be slowed by unusually warm, late Summer days. Nonetheless, nature presses on and the leaves begin to change color, quietly, gently letting go. Acorns, cheered on by strong winds, drop on the metal roof; sometimes gently and sometimes like a 90mph major league fast pitch, but always with a constancy that becomes synonymous with my breathing.

Yet sleep eludes me.

I am deeply concerned about many things. Some are personal. Others are not. They all wrestle for space in my thoughts and push for room in my body.

A few days ago, I took my ballot to the county registrar of voters’ office – feeling it was likely the place with the highest probability of getting counted in the election results. Fortunately, I had the ability to deliver my ballot personally. I have consistently taken the right to vote for granted.

Over the weekend, I had a conversation with a gentleman whose views about COVID are diametrically opposed to mine. He does not wear a mask, and has no intention of doing so. I do. I am one of those folks at “high risk” for contracting the virus, so I do my best to be diligent about the protocols that have helped.

Tonight, I watched the second presidential debate. I heard a candidate declare that he “had done more for the black and latino community than anyone, except perhaps Abraham Lincoln. Perhaps.” I heard the other candidate outline ways he would attempt to change the way that people of color are treated in this country.

Everyone deserves the opportunity to cast their vote; without exception. Everyone deserves the opportunity to have their opinion and to care for themselves in the manner they feel is most appropriate; without exception. Every person of color deserves justice; without exception.

If I can assist someone to the polls on election day, I will. If there is someone I disagree with, I will get curious and lean in rather than turning away. If I see an injustice, I will speak to it and do what I can to effect change. Without exception.

I will begin with compassion, come from love, and seek peace.

My paternal grandmother had a marvelous collection of elephant figurines. In her home, the elephants were displayed beautifully on small glass shelves set on both sides of an opening between two rooms.

When I visited as a child, I remember looking at the elephants with my little hands clasped tightly behind my back so as not to knock any of them over lest they break. As I got older, I spent time looking at the differences between the elephants – still only with my eyes. I felt a reverence toward those figurines and the magnificent creatures they were designed after.

It wasn’t until years later that I found myself wanting to learn more about elephants. Coming from a more heart centered space, I was curious to learn about what elephants represent from a spiritual perspective. Because they are very social creatures, they are seen as symbols of loyalty, companionship and unity. They have feelings, showing affection and love for one another. They also exhibit compassion, self awareness and the ability to mourn.

Elephants also help maintain ecosystems where they live. They trample grasslands and forests, which makes room for smaller species to co-exist. They also dig riverbeds when rainfall is low, creating water holes that they and other wildlife use.

I could go on and on, but I won’t.

When I recognized elephant as a totem (spirit) animal, it was because I identified with many of the qualities elephants possess. And so, I invited the elephant in.

Lucky me, over the past year or so, I have regularly been visited by elephants in my dreams. There is one that carries me on its back, shelters me when I am on the ground and watches over me as we move. The herd I visit in my dreams has evolved over time; I even had the honor of being with one female as she took her last breath. I also got to play in a watering hole with the others. When I dream of the elephants, my sleep is very active – as if I have actually been with them.

I awaken from those dreams feeling a distinct awareness of myself in relation to others both human and animal. I also feel appreciation for the way animals and nature co-exist; both a part of a greater evolutionary process.

My heart feels full, my soul is protected and my body is at peace.

Today, I was stopped in my tracks by this incredible display of nature gracing a trellis where I delivered something to a friend. This is the first time I’ve ever seen a flower with this color blue in it. It actually caused me to move closer and to linger there for quite some time. The simple intricacies drew me in further. And as I stood looking gazing, I was aware of my heart rate slowing slightly, and my breathing becoming a bit less intense.

It’s interesting. I’d had a day full of ruminating, and the flower brought a welcome shift in that energy.

It is my hope to forever be awestruck by the beauty of nature.

At the same time, it is my responsibility to forever be a steward of nature as well.

I took Chandler for a walk in a small an area that would normally be full of activity at this time of year, but today stands empty because of COVID-19 safety restrictions. Memorial Park has a softball/baseball diamond, pickleball courts, picnic tables and a pool. Years ago, I played softball in an adult league, and was at the park every three or four days for months.

Today however, I walked through a part of the park I had never seen before. In this part of the park, there are several sculptures and artifacts with historical information on bronze plaques next to them. Also, there are two long concrete walls nearly covered with brick sized marble rectangles; each engraved with the name, branch of the military and dates of service of someone who lived locally and served.

Interestingly, I found myself spending a lot longer in the area than I would normally. I was struck with wonder about what each of the people whose name I read might talk about if we sat and had a conversation together. I believe we could align around wanting peace for our world, our communities and our families. We might simply approach that desire from different perspectives.

As I said recently about perspectives, I’m convinced the first step on the path to peace is to be open to the perspectives of others. For me, this openness is borne of curiosity. The more curious I become about someone, the more open hearted I am. This is because when I am curious, I come from a place of wanting to learn rather than assuming I know about the other person or the topic we may be discussing.

A simple joy in the midst of all things pandemic is taking my little Chandler for a walk. An added bonus? Seeing a new-to-me part of a local landmark and a daydream about talking with some of the folks remembered in Memorial Park.

Just a silly musing tonight…

I used to be trapped by my To Do list. I would seek out the best pen and paper (yes, I’ve been writing To Do lists since before devices became the norm), sit down with a cup of coffee and carefully put down all the things I wanted to get done.

Unfortunately, I didn’t stop there. My demise came when I chose to put the date on the list. You see, the date indicated my expectation of myself as to when the list SHOULD be complete.

If for some reason I didn’t finish all of the items on the list, it became a perfect excuse to make myself inadequate, lazy, less than, etc.

And then, I’d turn around and put the date on a new piece of paper, move the things not completed to the new list, add everything new I wanted to do and start the cycle all over again.

A simple date on a piece of paper with a list of things I wanted to accomplish, caused me untold misery.

And then it happened. I had a To Do list aha moment! I realized that since I almost never completed the list on the date I noted and that I moved things from one day to the next in addition to adding the new items, the key was a change in my expectations.

So, I stopped putting the date on the list. As simple as it sounds, this changed my feelings about my To Do list and I quit giving myself a hard time about an artificial deadline.

Another thing I do for fun (ok, there might be a little bit of “atta girl” in it, too) is this; if I finish something that wasn’t on my list but was rattling around in my head as something that should have been on the list, I take out my pen, write down the item and then cross it off the list!

When the Vice President of the United States states on national television in front of what might be a world audience and says that racism does not exist in America…

I fall silent as my breath is taken away. Again.

I will no longer be silent.

BLACK LIVES MATTER

One of the things I love about taking pictures is the different perspectives I gain. It’s simple to stay in my comfort zone, looking at something once and running it through my memory bank of images, landing on what is familiar. However, it is also limiting. With camera in hand, I look at my subject and then for angles that aren’t ordinary or usual to photograph from.

This also serves as a marvelous lesson for me. When I look at a situation from more than one perspective, I find that my curiosity is peaked and a circumstance that once might have seemed mundane becomes newly enlivened.

Interestingly, with all that is going on in the world right now, I feel as if all the perspectives are being swirled around and tossed into the mix with a frequency that at times is exhausting. I find this kind of constancy a bit perplexing. It is as if I have used all of my available memory to date – and more is on backorder somewhere in the universe.

Today, as I thought about that, I felt a bit restless. Not the memory part mind you; the part where there is so much happening so quickly and the adjustment to a new way of seeing the world is changing so rapidly that I find it difficult to keep up.

And then I had this thought:

What if I could look at the myriad things being pushed out and find myself in the perspective of open heartedness. How would it be if my response was to invite the changes without resisting, snapping photos in my mind’s eye of the perspectives that best suit me.

I don’t know if this practice will work, but I feel willing to try it. Not because it sounds like fun necessarily, but because when I thought about shifting my internal perspective, the restlessness abated and I felt peaceful.

A good portion of my adult life has revolved around helping people with organization. Setting up systems that help people to use their time with greater efficiency and ease is a pure joy. I don’t really understand why I’m good at organizing, but I do know it has been a saving grace for me, both personally and professionally.

Before I began the initial Walk for Peace in March of 2016, I sold or gave away the majority of my belongings, including my furniture, clothes, books, etc. And, since that time, I have endeavored to refrain from buying things that I don’t need. Even within this way of living, I have created a system. Every two to three months, I take stock of everything I have and attempt to reduce it by approximately 10%. Ironically though, I have not run out of “stuff”.

One of the important things I’ve learned is that a system is only effective if the person/people it is designed for will use it. That means that in order for me to be good at what I do, I need to collaborate with whomever the system(s) is being designed for. For me, this is a fun part of the work. Some people move right into any suggestion I make. Others laugh, knowing full well there’s no way they’re going to do what I’m suggesting.

Here’s the thing…

When systems break down, chaos becomes commonplace. At first, it might look like organized chaos, similar to the photo of the tumbled stones and driftwood above. However, at some point, the system gets stretched to point that it breaks.

I feel as if there are many systems in the world that aren’t working right now. And, I feel as if the ideas that are scattered about on how to manage things actually add to the confusion and chaos, because there is no clear direction as to creating and implementing the ideas.

My goal as I am moving about the chaos is to remember that I am not the only person experiencing this. Also, as I find my way through, I want to be of service to others. It helps me connect to the community and to my heart when I am helping others. And finally, keeping my own space and my things organized helps keep me calm and easeful; as it allows me to feel some sense of normalcy in the chaos that I cannot control.