Peace of Mind… (blog)

When I arrived at the retreat center where I am an assistant this week, I had a chance to observe my friend Ted, harvesting persimmons from a tree on the property. Ted lives and works at the retreat center, and is as gracious as any one person can be. There is a way in which It would be easy to take for granted that Ted will be part of the retreat experience, because he is such a fixture here. For me, however, I was aware of a deep feeling of gratitude when I saw Ted this time.

What is beautiful about this is that I don’t actually know a lot about Ted, nor does he about me, but we have made a point each time I have been here, to stop, engage each other in conversation for a bit and connect.

I don’t know if Ted is religious. I don’t know how he feels about politics. I couldn’t tell you if he has a computer, or what kind of car he drives.

What I do know, is that Ted loves the land here, and he tends it with love (along with a couple of groundskeepers), and creates a serene, Peaceful space for people who visit here. As one of the people who gets to be here, I also feel love for the grounds. As I watched Ted pick the persimmons, I was struck by their beauty, which was contrasted by the bare branches holding the fruit on the tree.

The retreat center is ready for the winter. Lawns are dormant, leaves have fallen, shrubs and bushes have been trimmed back and the bark covers the roots, providing warmth for the coming months.

There is an absolutely beautiful sense of Peace for me as I enjoy the change of seasons in addition to the learning I’m experiencing as an assistant to this group of people.

I am honored to be of service, nurtured by the people and the land, and grateful for the chance to be here, now.

 

I had several phone conversations today, and what I noticed was that I felt deeply moved by each of them. A couple of the calls were with multiple people, and the others were one on one, but each one felt powerful in its own way. The calls ran the gamut of emotions including my own feelings and those of the other participants,  and I am grateful to have been on each one.

I am grateful to my colleagues for the respect they show and the challenging they are willing to do to help me own my strengths and my weaknesses, so that I am able not only to find but also to let shine the best part of me.

I am grateful for the open,  vulnerable way my friends show up in their lives, with me and with each other.

I am grateful for the ability to feel the depth and breadth of what is shared in a call, and to be present to it.

I am grateful for the love I feel toward each of the people on the calls today, and the unabashed way that that I speak to the feeling of love I have for them.

And…

I am grateful for a day with enough time and space in it to create connection with people.

When was the last time you had a phone call where the sole purpose was connection? Who was it with? What in the call were you grateful for?

 

 

After nine weeks in Texas, I returned to California on Tuesday. I’ll be in Nevada County until Tuesday, when I will head to Sonoma for the final leadership retreat that I am an assistant for. After the retreat ends, I will head back to Texas where my family will gather to share the holidays together at Molly’s ranch.

Before I left for Texas in September, I was having some difficulty with my knee (the one that the revision surgery was done on in August), and I had decided to get a second opinion on whether or not the knee is healing properly. Since I have been back in California, I have begun the process of getting a referral for the second opinion. I suspect I will have an appointment sometime in January. In the meantime, my friends Tina and Becky have graciously agreed to let me co-house with them. Their dogs, Kodo and Indie, and their cat, Stormy will have another housemate in Chandler, and I am grateful that she is welcome here too.

It is interesting to be in this state of wait and see again, when I actually thought the revision surgery I had in August would allow me to proceed with the Walk for Peace, literally. However, for the time being, that is not to be.

Today, I had the honor of having a woman share with me that she follows my blog, and that she is,”learning from me”.  After that exchange, I thought about the question on the 1Conversation for Peace card that I flipped over last night: “How do you cultivate a sense of Peace?”, and I felt my response.

I cultivate a sense of Peace through writing. When I have something weighing on my mind, I write about it. I let myself free write without editing, without formatting and without construct. And, you know, it is often in the writing that I find the clarity I need to feel Peaceful. When I want to say something to someone and I’m not sure how to say it, I write. I try different ways of putting my ideas together until I find exactly what I want to say.

When I began the Walk for Peace, I thought I would blog occasionally, and that it would be one way to document the experiences I was having. In fact, writing the blog has created a way for people to connect – to their own thoughts, experiences and feelings of Peace. It has also allowed me to connect with people I might not otherwise have known.

Tonight, I am clear about the need to cultivate a sense of Peace, and I am grateful for the words that let me connect to you on the Walk for Peace.

During the time I have been on the ranch, I have had some time to look at myself and reflect on how I respond to challenging situations. I wanted to take some time to write about this, because I have experienced myself handling challenges with frustration, irritation, restlessness, poise, grace and Peace. I’d like to say I’ve got this, and most of the time, I do. However, in the moments when my response is laced with negativity, it is usually because I am over stimulated. That can be from noise, people coming and going, fatigue, etc.

What’s important about this noticing of myself is, that I can change how I choose to respond. For this Peace Walker, the awareness is my place of choice. I find that if I can be quiet an take a breath before responding, I find myself in the place of Peace and ease.

In a few days, I will return to California. when I get there, I have an appointment to have a follow up on my knee revision. In this moment, I feel a bit frustrated with the surgeon who performed the surgery. I don’t feel like he’s hearing what I’m saying. So, when I see him, I choose to be firm yet graceful. I want to be strong in my requests of him. I choose to take him out of the defensive box I’ve put him in, in my mind. I choose to meet him with an open mind. Perhaps this will invite a dialogue that is cooperative rather than adversarial.

Is there a situation or a person that causes you to respond negatively? What can you do to reconnect with your inner wisdom and choose to respond differently?

Each time we interact with someone, and we choose To do so with an open heart, we ripple Peaceful energy out into the world. What a simple yet powerful act.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Fortunately for me, the first freeze in this part of Texas came just a little over a week ago, and with it came the changing of the colors on the local foliage. The driveway on the ranch is lined with beautiful crepe myrtle trees, and the leaves turned colors and blew off in the breeze within a couple of days of the freeze. However, when I went out to run an errand this morning, I took a different route back to the house, and came upon these beautiful Chinese Pistachio trees flanking a scrub oak. I sat for a moment and just enjoyed the color, taking some deep breaths and simply being with the change of seasons.

When I returned, the wind had picked up, and all of the leaves that had been raked into neat little piles, ready to be collected, were being blown in all different directions, making me giggle as I made my way through them.

When I was growing up, the year was defined more by the school calendar than the changing of the seasons. We had some unbelievably hot summers, and the fall brought the famed Santa Ana winds, but generally, the seasons rolled into one another without much noticeable shift in the weather.

There are two types of weather phenomena that I have loved for as long as I can remember – wind and fog. When I feel wind against my face, or in my hair, I find myself connecting to a sense of aliveness that I can feel all the way through my body. I feel energized, alert and ready for whatever the moment brings. When I walk in fog, I am aware of  moisture draping itself around me, encouraging me to tighten my fingers around my thumbs to keep warm.

As I think about Peace this evening, I find it by connecting to the weather, the seasons and the colors, and I feel a sense of oneness with the world around me. This feeling creates a place of serenity within me that fills me with gratitude and brings me Peace.

Tonight, I am thinking about my sister, Molly. A little less than two months ago, her husband of 26 years passed away. Molly has a business as a miniature dachshund breeder, and the dogs require her attention a great deal of the time, which can make it difficult to simply be with what one is feeling. However, in the past seven weeks, I have witnessed my sister in all states of being. She has been happy, sad, tired, rested, hungry, unable to eat, confused and clear as a bell, profoundly vulnerable and incredibly strong, etc.

For this Peace Walker, being in the midst of this presence is something I shall not easily forget. There is a way in which the time I have lived on the land with Molly is actually quite remarkable. You see, this is the very essence of connection – intimacy, if you will. Molly has reached out to me, to the rest of the family and to her friends for help, and, she has been willing to receive it. Also, she has continued to run her business, receiving enormous support from her customers.

In the midst of the seriousness around running the business and taking care of the details of Richard’s death, I have only heard Molly mention one thing that she would really like to do. So, for the past five days, my focus has been on getting ready to do that one thing. And now, the prep work is complete and I am ready to begin helping paint her kitchen. The swatches above are the samples we tested…can you guess which one she (and our sister Marybeth) picked?

I could not have known that this was part of what I would help with during my time in Texas, and I couldn’t be happier to be doing it. You see, sometimes, no matter how much is going on, no matter how many projects there are that “have” to get done, you just throw caution to the wind and choose to do something totally different, simply because you’ve wanted to do it for a long time.

And for me, if painting the kitchen helps Molly (and Marybeth), then I am at Peace.

 

 

 

Sometimes, I notice that I am responding to someone or something with more energy than the person or situation warrants. For me, it is important to look at whether or not there are other contributing factors to my response, and to attempt to make amends where possible.

For this Peace Walker, one of the things that causes me to react strongly is over stimulation of one or more of my senses. What I’ve noticed since I’ve been on the ranch is, there is almost always some sort of sound. It can be anything from water running, to dogs barking, to talking, to the sound of the electric gate keypad ringing in the kitchen, to cell phones ringing pinging and dinging, or even the hum of the washer/dryer. For me, the noise feels stressful, and I sometimes feel as if I want to be in complete silence for a month.

What is important about noticing the sense(s) that are being taxed is that I can then ask myself what will help ease the energy that is causing me to respond in a reactive way.

My intention today was quiet response. The reason for this intention was to remind myself that just because there is a lot of noise, doesn’t mean I need to respond in kind. In fact, if I respond to noise with more noise, my body tenses up and I feel stiff and uncomfortable. However, if I respond to noise with quiet, I find that the quiet comes into whatever I’m doing.

And so it is for me. When I experience sensory overload, I look within to see how I need to be to respond with grace. And when I nurture my senses, I am at Peace.

If you want peace, you don’t talk to your friends. You talk to your enemies.

Desmond Tutu

When I first read this quote, it made me cry. For a moment, I was lost in how simple yet profound it is. Then, I thought about what makes someone an enemy. And finally, I felt grateful that I don’t think of anyone as an enemy any more.

The reason I say any more, is because when I was young, if someone hurt my feelings or if I was mad at someone, I was quick to decide that that person was no longer a friend. My pattern would have been to distance myself from the person, not leaving room for the possibility of talking things out and, perhaps, finding Peace with them.

However, as I have grown and learned that things are often not as they seem, I find myself wanting to reach out to see if we can work together to find a solution to what it is that is pulling us apart. It isn’t always easy to engage someone I’m feeling animosity toward, but for this Peace Walker, inviting discussion is the opening of my heart to my “enemy”.

One of the things that helps me to continue to reach out is to think about how the other person might be feeling. Another is the awareness that cutting people off, also cuts me off from myself. Still another reason to reach out is to remember what drew us to each other in the first place.

When I reach out to my “enemy”, I need to do so without expectation. Sometimes, this means that the process is delayed. You see, I find that if I am truly open hearted, I have to come into a conversation with no preconceived idea of how it will go. This way, I am truly present to the person in front of me, rather than to the past or the future. And in the present, everything is possible.

My intention for today was open heart, outstretched arms. This is most certainly the way I greet my friends, and when I am present in this way, there is room for an adversary to become a friend.

Who needs your open heart and outstretched arms? Are you willing to let go of the outcome and engage them here, now? What action will you take to invite Peaceful dialogue in?

Today, I took the day off from being and working on the ranch to go and see a dear friend and colleague of mine. It was an absolutely gorgeous day, which was great, since the mid point meeting place was two and a half hours away. I went through an intensive, ten month leadership training program with Staci, and getting together with her was a real treat.

After we had lunch, we strolled through a small street fair that was going on, and a woman in one of the booths noticed my Walk for Peace shirt. As we got to talking, she handed me a small sticker that said Kindness Matters. She then explained that the organization (by the same name) was founded to stop school bullying by a woman whose son committed suicide because of being bullied. As it turned out, the founder was at the fair, and Staci and I were introduced to her.

On the way home, I kept thinking about the simple words, Kindness Matters, and the profound truth those two words carry. I happen to know an amazing child who is experiencing some bullying at school, and his parents are working with the school to get it stopped.

This Peace Walker believes that one of the greatest gifts we gan give to one another is the gift of Peaceful interaction. By starting with kindness toward ourselves, and the people in our families, schools, churches, support groups, etc., we can effect a change in a positive, non-blaming way.

So tonight, I am grateful to have met the woman behind the words, Kindness Matters. I will share about the organization with the couple whose son is being bullied in the hope that they can garner some support from other folks with similar experience.

Fortunately, the gift of kindness has the potential to help people feel both loved, and, at Peace.

Close your eyes and think…who is one person you’ll reach out to and offer nothing but kindness to? Imagine the impact if everyone performed one kindness toward another human being each day. And remember, Kindness Matters.

 

The little guy in this photo is a silky wire haired miniature dachshund named Bates, and he’s one of Molly’s favorites. Bates has the ability to make Molly smile no matter what is going on. He is a sweet and loyal (not to mention adorable) dog.

When I was growing up, we had a dog that my parent got at the pound. Goga was a sweet dog, and we had her until the last day of my junior year of high school. I can still close my eyes and hear the whistle my Dad used to call her home with. And, I can still smell the perfume she got when she went to the groomer.

All of my sisters and I have had pets in our adulthood, and today, I thought about how different they have been. All shapes, sizes, colors and coats, and each one loved deeply.

What is so beautiful about pets is that they simply are. Being in the company of animals has brought me a great deal of Peace in my life. They sense what I am feeling, and often, they will reflect exactly what I need/want in their behaviors.

Chandler and I have been living time together for close to six years now, and I am eternally grateful for her in my life. She loves me unconditionally, and I love her right back.

Thank you, Molly, for bringing Chandler into my life.