Peace of Mind… (blog)

When I saw this plant, I was struck by the observation of several phases of life that were represented. Small little bead like pods gathered in the beginning stage of life, fully formed and blooming white flowers, faded flowers turned slightly yellow by aging and dry, shriveled flowers with no life remaining. I imagined all of the things that contributed to the flower’s lifecycle, and the amount of things that have to work in synchrony in order for the plant to flourish.

Working in synchrony seems like a rather simple concept, I think. Except when it isn’t. When we lose sight of the fact that we are all connected, the very fabric of humanity begins to unravel.

Currently, we are separated physically. We are divided politically. Our socioeconomic, educational and medical systems are broken. And, I could go on.

Quite simply, we are out of sync.

It is time for a change.

I am aware that I am but a tiny spec in the greater whole. And, I am aware that I have a role to play in healing our world. Some days, I feel totally committed to being kind, doing for others, sharing what I have, learning where I need to grow and develop while being a voice and taking action in support of change. Other days, the very best I can do is find the stillness within, knowing that it is enough.

Tonight, as I go into my meditation, I will set an intention around finding our way peacefully to the change(s) we seek and remembering that we are all connected. In that way, I will water the roots of humanity.

I am in the process of learning about the power of physical pain. Every day, my body hurts. And the pain moves to different parts of my body. There is almost always more…if I look for it.

However, when I focus on the pain, I can get lost in it. And when I focus on the pain as information, I can actually respond to it with a calm demeanor.

When I awaken in the morning, I take at least fifteen minutes to meditate. Sometimes, it’s a guided meditation. Others, I set an intention and let it take me where I’m supposed to go. And still others, I simply close my eyes, focus on my breathing and simply allow. After I finish that, I do some stretches. As I do them, I take note of where and what pain I’m having as well as where there is no pain and ease of motion. These two things allow me to meet my day with a sense of gratitude and peace.

I’d love to say that that having this simple practice holds me steady throughout the day, but I can’t. It’s not uncommon for me to take a moment in the middle of the day to reconnect to my physical self, using the spiritual tools I’ve received over the years. If I’m in a public place, I take deep, intentional breaths, focusing on the task at hand. If I’m in private, I will often do another meditation.

I pay attention to the information my body gives me, so that I can be a productive member of my community. I support my body with my spirit. My mind, well that’s a whole different post!

What I’m trying to say is that my response to what comes into my life is up to me. When I choose use my experiences (“good” and “bad”) as opportunities to grow and learn, I am better able to be fully present to what is happening in my world.

Some clarifying questions I ask myself:

1. Do you hurt, or are you uncomfortable?
2. Are you sad, or are you depressed?
3. Whats the strongest part of your body right now? Take a moment and be grateful for how it serves you.

I’m not at all sure why this is the topic for tonight, but it seems important. I think that the times we are in warrant reminders about the things that “work” for each of us in trying situations. Reminding myself to return to what “works” and then using those tools intentionally, leads to equanimity. From this place, I feel peace.

Recently, I have felt a desire to say so many things. Right along with that desire also comes the awareness that I may be better off simply listening and learning. With those two thoughts also comes the desire to recapture some of the clarity I felt when I was writing regularly.

I truly believe that peace heals.

With a pandemic that has killed hundreds of thousands; the loss of lives of people of color and the need to dismantle our systemic white supremacist culture; the socioeconomic inequities growing larger and more obvious; a political climate that is mired in an “us vs. them” mentality; mistreatment of the immigrant population; fires scorching the earth and smoke literally choking people (to name a few); peace may seem like a mirage…disappearing with each new catastrophe.

However, I believe it is now that we have the opportunity to lean into the web of humanity that each of us is a part of. And, we can take steps every day toward peace:

1. Take care of ourselves. This can look like many things, but the better we take care of ourselves, the more energy we have to give to others.
2. Give to others. Not only do they benefit, but we get to feel good too.
3. Remove violent language from our conversations. It lessens the defensiveness in discussions.
4. Seek alignment with people rather than dissent. When we stand with people rather than label and put others in boxes, we find harmony.
5. Find/create simple Joys. This reminds us to smile, to take a moment and remember to smile.
6. Have a daily practice. Meditation, yoga, breath work, moon rituals, walking, gardening, etc. A daily practice connects our hearts and minds in balance.
7. Take time in nature. This is the thing that reminds us that we are part of a larger whole.

We can choose to be at peace each day, and in moments within our day. Some days, peace comes naturally to me – others it doesn’t. Either way, there are steps I can take to shift into peace.

And now, more than ever, I want to share with you and to hear from you how peace shows up in our lives, and how we share it out to our worlds.

Today, I got myself into quite a quagmire of technological inanity. I was scheduled to attend a call that a friend of mine was on, and I was looking forward to hearing her conversing with the hosts.

Unfortunately, I got caught in a loop of invalid password messages and attempts to create new passwords only to be met with more invalid password messages. I’d love to say I simply let it go, but that’s not true. You see, I got myself more and more worked up with each attempt, irritated with technology, the inability to get help except from a “bot”, and my expectation of how the experience was going to be for me.

Fortunately, I was able to employ a long used practice of taking five deep breaths. When I do this, the energetic shift is both immediate and complete.

And, in shifting the energy, I made the choice to let go of the firm grip my mind had on being on that call, and to have a little chuckle.

I’m grateful to have a breath work practice. I’m grateful for the ability to choose to let go. And I’m grateful that I can laugh at myself.

A bit more than four years ago, I stepped off on a Walk for Peace. For me, it was an answer to a calling I had felt deep in my soul for a long time. I had the great fortune of meeting and staying with people I’d just met. I learned about the things that make people feel peaceful. I found an appreciation and a grace in being outdoors that was different from anything I’d experienced before. And, I felt peaceful.

During the past couple of years, I have leaned into and out of the desire to be on the road, Walking for Peace as I did before. However, my physical body has other ideas. So, in rethinking what “Peace walking” really means to me, I would have to say it is all encompassing. My heart believes there is peace, my soul seeks peace, my mind explores the idea of Peace, and my body reminds me that the starting point for Peace is letting go.

For me, the more I cling to how I think something should look or feel, the less likely it is to be that way. On the other hand, when I let go of my grip and believe the outcome will be exactly as it is supposed to, the greater the depth of my experience becomes. Also, when I let go, I have the chance to be fully present. Because I don’t know what’s coming and I can’t compare it to what has been before, presence becomes effortless.

As you think about it, what are you grasping onto that might give you some peace to let go of?

Recently, I had occasion to take an elderly gentleman (and his wife) to a doctor’s appointment. This appointment was but one in the midst of many over the course of several weeks. The gentleman rode quietly in the wheelchair as I pushed it down the corridor of the all too familiar institutional beige walls and Bakelite signs silently giving instructions to those who would seek them. Occasionally, the man would raise his hand and say “turn left here” or “fourth floor”, but for the most part, we traversed the territory in silence; my head turning to look behind us to confirm the man’s wife was making her way in the wheelchair that was to enable her to cover the distance we had to travel.

When we checked in and the man’s name was called, the three of us made our way (wheelchairs and all) into the doctor’s office

Lining the walls which were desperate to be painted, were photographs. There were pictures of Jimmy Hendrix and Janis Joplin next to a picture of guys decked out in full military gear with their arms draped over one another nonchalantly, next to frames with records of successful schooling achievements. Also, there were two plush stuffed toys in the shape of emojis; one was a smiley face that had tears streaming out of its eyes, and the other was a pile of (excuse me for saying this) poop.

There was a small oak curio cabinet which held various items including a military issue helmet, several patches including one of the American flag and a few small green plastic army figurines; each depicting a different stance.

And, there was a mannequin with a flack jacket loosely covering its torso; definitely worn, with a patch and a last name sewn into it.

Along one wall was an examination table which I imagine is used on occasion. However, in this case, it was covered with myriad magazines in obviously different states of reading completion.

When the doctor entered, I was immediately struck by his kind smile and casual nature. He wore hospital scrubs and Crocs, and was most certainly at home in this unusually adorned examination room.

When the doctor finished introducing himself around, he turned and asked the elderly gentleman his name and what “branch” he was in. Upon hearing the gentleman explain that he was in the Navy, the doctor smiled broadly and said “I won’t hold that against you”. You see, the doctor had served in the Army. However, from that moment forward, the doctor and the elderly gentleman shared a familiarity that from the outside looking in, needed no explanation. You see, these two men were decades apart in age and lifetimes apart in experience, but they both spent a portion of their lives in service to their country. One was now here to assist the other, and their rapport was both familiar and respectful.

The elderly gentleman’s conversation with the doctor covered what ailed him, where he had served and the work he had done, and a banter that held a little levity and a bit of sarcasm; both of which felt refreshing in an otherwise serious and somewhat frustrating time for the gentleman and his wife. I noticed the doctor calling the gentleman “brother”. I noticed the detail the gentleman was giving the doctor – it seemed as if he was enjoying telling his story to his younger comrade. And, I noticed the doctor was speaking directly with the elderly gentleman; fully expecting him to respond without needing assistance.

As we prepared to leave, we were waiting at the elevator, and a woman who worked there greeted the three of us, asking if we had gotten all the help we needed. 

In the long corridor back out to the parking lot, on the left hand side, was a small room (the same size as the room upstairs), with beige walls and a couple of barber’s chairs and sinks. Although it was ten past four and the door was open, the two women in the shop were talking about leaving as we happened in. The elderly gentleman’s wife asked if “since we were there, the gentleman could get his hair cut”. The women agreed; one heading outside for a cigarette, while the other tended to the man. 

The hairdresser greeted the man by his first name and asked how he was feeling that day. They carried on an easy conversation, and when she was finished, the woman helped the gentleman back into his wheelchair.

As I left the building that day, I was moved by the profound respect and kindness I witnessed being shared with the elderly gentleman. There seemed to be time enough for “everything”; even a late in the day hair cut. The dignity afforded him by those tending his needs was a reminder of what is possible when we use our shared experiences to extend ourselves to one another.

I am grateful for the opportunity to see all of this. You see, I did not serve in the military. Robert (the elderly gentleman and my Mom’s husband) served. His need for help that day enabled me to have the experience I did inside the VA Medical Center in the town where they live.

The International Day of Peace is a United Nations-sanctioned holiday observed annually on 21 September. It is dedicated to world peace, and specifically the absence of war and violence. An example might be a ceasefire in a combat zone for humanitarian aide access. The day was first celebrated in 1981, and is kept by many nations, political groups, military groups, and people around the world.

When I made the decision to Walk for Peace 1,279 days ago; probably the easiest way for me to share what peace meant to me was to invite people to walk with me or to have a conversation with me about it. Fortunately for me, every time I shared time with others, my own understanding of peace was augmented by the people I engaged with.

On this International Day of Peace, I would like to share (in no particular order) some of what Peace is to me:

• Peace is the understanding that we all have the same rights.
• Peace is the knowledge that I am neither more nor less than anyone; we are equal.
• Peace is respect for myself, for all beings and for the planet.
• Peace is finding joy in the accomplishments of others without envy or jealousy.
• Peace is being in service of and receiving the service from others.
• Peace is releasing attachment to material things.
• Peace is responding rather than reacting.
• Peace is believing in the inherent good in people.
• Peace is letting go of separateness; understanding that we are all one.
• Peace is the ability to disagree without making others wrong.

There are so many ways to describe peace that this list could continue for a long time. For me however, the list is only a beginning.

Peace is also action.

Many years ago, a young woman came into my life with an energy and brilliance that immediately captivated me. I knew from her smile that I wanted to know more about her. Her exuberance could light up a room, and her giggle was an open invitation; as if to say “Come, join me. Isn’t this fun?” Her wispy black hair and deep dark eyes (which sparkled as if they held the sun), complimented her tall, strong, profoundly feminine body. Her voice held a soft, courageous vulnerability that wrapped itself around the soul; seeing, feeling and loving whomever it touched.

The two of us were in a coach training program together; each looking for a new line of work. She had burned out as an RN specializing in hospice care, and I had damaged my knees from years of baseball, softball and construction work. We could not have known the great gift of friendship that would come from being in the class(es) together.

Carly and I lived a few hours apart, but we talked several times a week; encouraging one another, sharing “the good, the bad and the ugly” and finding the joy in our friendship. When we reached points of disconnect, we took the time to listen and share our feelings fully; remaining open to the core friendship and our desire to grow with one another. Although we made it a point to see each other as often as we could, most of our time was spent on the phone, in video calls, texting and leaning into our intuition about each other.

Carly’s innate ability to sense into what I was feeling physically, emotionally or spiritually was uncanny. And, her willingness to share her intuitive “hits” about how to find relief was a gift each and every time. I too, experienced the ability to know when and how to support her; without needing her to explain.

For me (and I suspect all who came in contact with her), Carly was the personification of love. She gave without expectation, loved without tethering and nurtured every person she came in contact with.

Over the years, we saw each other through relationships ending, pets entering and leaving our lives, health issues, moves and her ever expanding relationship with her incredible partner (fiancé) David.

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As I came to know David, I was deeply moved by his love for Carly. Their relationship became a symbol to me of what it is to set goals together, to stand beside one another in the best and the worst times, to share themselves wholly with friends and family and above all, to love unconditionally.

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Ultimately, Carly became an invaluable part of the Walk for Peace. As my confidant, cheerleader and press person, Carly’s love and honoring of my life’s purpose was unwavering; and for that, I will be forever grateful.

I have written this piece over and over in the past few months; each time feeling as if I needed or wanted to say more about my sweet friend and knowing that I may forever feel this way.

In early January of this year, I received a call fairly early in the morning. It came from Carly’s number. I called back right away, because it was unusual for her to reach out so early. David answered Carly’s phone and shared with me that Carly had died a few hours earlier. Her death was both sudden and completely unexpected. When he told me, I found myself asking him to tell me again – I couldn’t fathom what he was saying. And when we hung up, I sobbed. Huge, gut wrenching, heart aching sobs. Some days, I cry softly as I continue to feel the loss of my friend. Others, I replay the videos I have of her so I can hear her laugh. And still others, I take a moment to speak a gratitude for the time we shared together. David and I keep in touch – and I imagine we always will. Carly often mentioned how much it meant to her that David and I loved each other. Every once in a while, I find myself wanting to call her. The gift is, our energies are still connected. When I get quiet and ask, I can feel her with me, as if we were in the same room. Honestly, it is remarkable.

I had the chance to meet Carly’s brother, sister, Mom and Dad a couple of months ago at David and Carly’s place in Oregon. We shared a meal out, and then went back to the apartment and lived some time in the energy that still envelopes all of us. The energy of Carly’s love.

My whole world opened a bit more when I met my Carly girl. Thanks in great part to our friendship, I have found myself continuing to allow love, vulnerability and grace into my life. I strive to learn more ways of communicating. I have come to further trust my intuition and to honor my knowing. I have given and received unashamedly. I have received the gift of David’s friendship.

And, I have fallen in love with love.

 

A little over three weeks ago, I flew out of San Francisco to London on the beginning of what was expected to be a month long trip to visit colleagues and friends in England, Prague and Germany, combined with some days of Walking for Peace in and around the cities I’d be in.

At each leg of the trip, I have been greeted by wonderful, welcoming open arms of friends and colleagues. I have been invited to treat my friends’ houses as my own, truly to make myself at home. I have been given space for privacy and at the same time, have had an open invitation for community. I have not wanted or needed for anything.

Each of my hosts asked if there was anything special I wanted to do or see while visiting. I consistently replied by expressing my interest in being in community with them, enjoying the area where they live, and in some cases, seeing things related to Peace.

In England, I was taken for a punt ride around Cambridge University, and learned about many of the schools, scholars and historical aspects of the University. I was also treated to a lovely home cooked supper and a couple of evenings watching movies with my friend Jo and her daughter, Milly. The time was full of laughs, talks, walks and hugs as well as an open desire to connect more going forward.

Next, I went to a city called Leamingtom Spa (home to well known spa-baths and physiotherapy treatments in the late 18th – mid 19th century). My friends and I had a lovely, long walk there the first day, through a beautiful garden and browsing in shops in town. Another day, I walked and walked around town and actually had a lovely albeit brief conversation with a gentleman about Peace and different interpretations of peace one might experience in a lifetime. In truth, I was delighted that this conversation took place, because I was actually approached (a rather unusual occurrence) by a British gentleman curious about the Walk for Peace. I had the distinct pleasure of meeting my friend Chris’ family (they included me in their Easter supper), and my friend Amanda’s mum (whom we visited in her home for tea). I felt touched to be invited to meet family and to share time with Chris and Amanda in such a sweet way.

Amanda also took me to a town called Bradford – a two and a half hour jaunt from Leamingmton. I had wanted to go, because the town is home to the UK’s only International Museum of Peace. The University in Bradford has a world renowned Peace Studies program and is one of  six Rotary Peace Centres in the world.

Bradford also happens to be the home of my Aunt Lynn and her husband David.

Ironically, I had researched Peace parks and organizations in anticipation of my trip, but it wasn’t until I was in the UK that I found the Bradford museum.

Lynn, Amanda and I had a beautiful day together visiting with each other and going to the museum. One of the exhibits stirred questions about what we are taught in school and whether it differs by country, etc. (The answer is a resounding yes, by the way). While a large portion of this particular museum is focused on disarmament, there was no question that social justice, human rights, healthcare and a host of other conditions need addressing if we are to have lasting Peace.

The day before the trip to Bradford, I began to feel sick with what ultimately turned into a bronchial infection. Unfortunately, it has been the filter through which I have experienced the remainder of my trip. Fortunately, each of my friends have gone out of their way to help me feel better. They have bought me herbal tinctures and syrups, given me  space to sleep as much as I needed (and was willing), taken me to their doctor, kept me hydrated, fixed me hi protein and vitamin smoothies and even offered an essential oil soak – it takes a village. I have been (and continue to be) held beautifully by my friends.

Much of the remaining time in Leamington Spa was spent resting, sleeping and trying to recover. After a trip to the doctor and some prescriptions, I headed to Prague to see my friend Robert.

My first full day in Prague was spent walking in town, along the Vltava river and back and forth over the Charles bridge, which was constructed beginning in 1357, and completed in the 15th century. I took things very slowly, and enjoyed listening to the buzz of the city, admiring the beautiful cut glass in the shop windows, and smelling the Trdelnik (a traditional rolled, cone shaped pastry cooked and sold in the street). I admit that while is smelled divine, my cold had overtaken my taste buds by now, so I did not have one. Later in the day, Robert took me up to a Peace park, and we had a brief walk there. The second day there, I was introduced a friend of Robert’s, and the three of us had a lovely conversation. Robert and I spent several hours in the afternoon going to door manufacturers, looking for doors for the yoga, breath and body work studio he is having built in the building where he lives. Who knew I’d be at the equivalent of a Home Depot in Prague.  That evening, we went to an event called HUG (http://veritystanden.com/hug.php). I’ve included the link to an explanation, as I cannot begin to explain it. Let me say that it was really a moving experience for me; one that I am aware heightened my already deeply felt connection to music. As we set out to walk the Charles bridge after the performance, I was approached by a young man named Liam. Liam is actively engaged in his own Peace work, currently living in Prague and teaching English. We had a lovely conversation, agreeing to connect over a possible podcast discussion of the Walk for Peace. My last day in Prague was spent resting, as I had a substantial backslide physically, and needed to sleep. As he dropped me off at the bus depot the next morning, I was aware of feeling lucky to have spent time with Robert in his home, as he travels a great deal. The timing was perfect to see him in this brief window

The final leg of my trip was in Heidelberg, Germany. I visited my friend Katja, her husband Fabian, and their two children Hollie and Oskar. When I contacted Katja about visiting, we weren’t at all sure if the timing would work out, but indeed it did. We shared a delicious meal cooked by Fabian on my first night, and I had a chance to begin getting acquainted with Hollie and Oskar. The two are delightful little people, and I have enjoyed their company. Katja and I took a long walk (accented by a coffee with a friend, lunch and another coffee) along the Neckar River, through town. Our conversation ranged from a bit of history about the Heidelberg Castle (which was built beginning in 1300, and continued until 1764, when it was struck by lightening), to Peace, to philosophy to communication. Late in the day, we visited and played with Hollie and Oskar, which was quite sweet. As the evening waned, Katja and I spent time talking and simply being in each others company. And on Sunday, the family and I spent the day relaxing in community with one another. Hollie and Oskar are played, helped their mom and continued being delightful hosts. Fabian made bagles and graciously brought me sparkling water to refresh me as I sat outside writing. Katja played sweet music, and packed for a two week business trip which will take her to Spain, London and Copenhagen.

As I reflect on the time with my colleagues and friends, I am grateful for the opportunity to travel abroad and to be so lovingly welcomed into their homes and lives. The time spent was a lovely blend of visiting, Walking for Peace and being in community. It was also a reminder that intentionally creating time to spend with people who are important to me is both fulfilling and Peaceful for me. Even though I was sick for the majority of the trip, my heart is full and my life is richer for it.

I found this picture in my Walk for Peace file, inside of the shared file, inside of the iCloud photos file; all of which I accessed through my tablet (which happens to be an iPad). Although all of this electronic filing enables me to post photos I’ve taken since the Walk for Peace began, I find I’m nearly always surprised and pleased when I manage to locate, upload and post a picture to my blog.

When I came upon this photo, I was immediately taken back in my thoughts to the day I took it. I was recovering from my knee revision surgery, and longing to be back out Walking for Peace. Since that time, I have Walked in Oregon, Washington and Vancouver, Canada. I’ve had the fortune of having amazing conversations about Peace with people along the way.

Today however, I cannot help but wonder what the conversations about Peace would be like with people living in countries such as Syria, Afghanistan and Iraq for example. What would Peace look like for someone in a country where every day is focused on finding a safe place to be? Or where water and food are scarce enough to be considered luxuries. I also wonder what a conversation about Peace would be like with the people directly affected by the shooting that took place in Florida just two weeks ago. And, what about Peace in countries where disease is at epic proportions, and days are spent seeking relief from the complications of illness? What would the discussion about Peace bring in areas of extreme poverty; where one wonders when (or if) the next meal will come?

I don’t know if I will have the opportunity to Walk for Peace and have conversations with people who are challenged in the ways I spoke of above.

What I do know is that as I move forward from this place of wondering, I will hold in my heart the people I’ve been blessed enough to meet, and those I haven’t.